Do you, who declare yourself to be a feminist, when you say it out loud, very often in your environment have the feeling that you didn’t say something commendable?
If I were to translate it into: “Hi, I’m Brankica, I advocate for each of us to have equal rights, both among us women and in relation to men. This includes equal conditions in the workplace, equal treatment during employment, reduction of gender-based violence and many other benefits that, believe it or not, we still do not have” – would that sound better?
I didn’t even pay attention, somehow it was taken for granted that we were all feminists, until one situation in the wider society when I heard in passing: “She’s a feminist, don’t talk to her about men”.
Don’t. With her. About. Men.
Feminism in Republika Srpska, more precisely in BiH, is reduced to a few dates of the year:
The date when we celebrate carnations (because we don’t celebrate women’s rights).
The date when they kill one of us (and that story doesn’t last more than a day and a half).
Those 16 days a year when our mouths are full of women’s rights (why not human rights?).
Although the situation currently looks significantly better, we still haven’t moved far from that basic struggle. We are more concerned with the aesthetics of these rights than the essence, but such times prevailed. We are female feminists and male feminists (yes, that can be) in periods when it brings more likes and clicks, but in our four walls we still pretend not to hear the commotion from the house next-door, with her we first look at what she is wearing, and not what she said and it is rarely clear to us where a woman has the right to …. (to be added as desired.)
Allow me to show you where we make mistakes with couple of examples.
It is much easier to be on the side of a beautiful woman. Yes, all women are beautiful, some to someone, some to everyone, but someone’s beauty is closer to broader social standards, immediately at first glance. It is not easier for these women, but more on that later. Basically, if something happens to such a beautiful woman, someone attacks her, makes a mistake, etc., chances are high that we will quickly take her side, with “dear” and similar epithets, we will share her story supporting it. But if it happens to a less beautiful woman, according to the standards of the general public, that reaction will spontaneously disappear.
One of these women is a politician in BiH. Here are just a few comments directed to her: “It is rumoured that XY was used as a test subject to test the effect of Viagra on men. Because of her, they had to double the doses”, or “dumb as a wheel and ugly as a prickly pig!” or “‘what will this ugly toad do?”
Read that again. And these are the comments below just one article. And we as a society don’t have time to deal with these things in depth anyway. Here we live by the motto “Three days is enough for every miracle”. But have you ever seen a story of support for a woman who receives such comments? Neither have I.
It doesn’t end there. Let’s go back to the fact that even beautiful women, according to current social standards, don’t have it easy. In the previous elections, we had a “list that shines”, on which there were only women from that party, which looked extremely pleasant judging by the comments of the general public. People did not know much about these women in terms of their achievements, education, and characteristics. They were there to shine. And it was completely normal for everyone.
Why do we need feminism in this case? Because all of the above is an example of misogyny. To you, misogyny is when a woman is not seen as an individual, but her only characteristic is that she is a woman. The idea of misogyny is to devalue a woman and reduce her to an object, aesthetics or a kitchen (add a room or an object as you wish). Who likes what?
I can already see some incredulous facial expressions that suggest that I am exaggerating. Although we know that I like to exaggerate, believe me, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Because misogyny is all around us. It is so normalized to us that we no longer see anything wrong with it. How come, Brankica? How often do you use sexist jokes about blondes, wives who constantly ask for something and spend their husband’s money along the way, how present is the sexualization of women and their bodies in advertisements… shall I continue? From here you can too.
To this day, we will blame the prostitute because she does what she does, not the society that has led her to the point that this is the only way she can make money.
Even today, our representatives of the system will ask a woman who reports violence: “Did you maybe make him angry with something that made him react that way?”
We will remove the female victim from her home to a safe house, and leave the abuser in a warm and dry place while we see if he really did something wrong.
We will not believe a raped, wounded, and lately even a murdered woman.
Because we asked for it all ourselves.
I will therefore dare to ask you something today: the next time a woman in front of you says that she is a feminist, before you roll your eyes, ask her: “How can I help you in your fight?”
This is the fight of each of us. Each of you. The fight to count women in leadership positions, not those killed in their homes. The fight to hear women, before we see them. The fight for Republika Srpska to become known for the fact that we are equally united with each of us, and for not a single murdered woman.
This is a fight for each of you. No matter what her name was, what she looked like or how old she was. And for those who are yet to come.
It is not a fight for women’s rights, it is a fight for human rights.
And you, fellow feminists, be louder and clearer. Don’t wait for someone else to change something, we have to. Today I got two pages in this medium, tomorrow it can be any of you. Let’s start with the dash, we’ll get to the interview. Just don’t wait for one of the dates mentioned above. This fight must last three hundred and sixty-five days. Just as what we are fighting against lasts for decades.
Author: Brankica Raković, founder Dot Media
The Srpska Times
